the best friend and the guy friend

As of right now, nothing in my life is going the way I want it to. My best friend is slowly turning her back on me. I dont think she cares that much about me right now. She’s mad at me cause Ive been hanging out with this guy a lot. You see, a few years ago my best friend, this guy and I became really close; and my best friend has liked this guy for a few years… they had their bumpy relationship, by going out for a few days (literally), and breaking up over stupid shit. Well then theres this other girl, and my best friend and her started to become really close and I started to feel really left out after a while, since they would talk about me behind my back and do things without telling me… and all i tried to do was to make my best friend happy, and all the while i was suffering for it. i just want her happy, because when shes happy, then im happy. After a couple months of trying to stay close with her, i just gave up on her and everything that we had, because i couldnt take being dissappointed anymore. so i made out with that guy who she’s always had a thing for. and we told her the next day online, and she was infuriated with me and him. obviously. i wanted to stay selfish, i wanted to keep telling myself that i was doing what i wanted for me, but i couldnt convince myself that i was doing the right thing… maybe because i wasnt, i dont know. but yeah, so me and this guy began going out, and all the while, my best friend went around and told everyone that i was a bitch and i stole her man from her and all this stupid shit, and everyone took her side over it. one of the lowest points in my life right now was when all i had was this guy and no one else. i couldnt take it anymore. i couldnt take it when i would be walking through a group of people and i could hear them whispering about me, saying things like “look at that slut” “look at that man stealer” “damn shes such a bitch.. and to her best friend too!” “dude hes not worth it.. hes a player…” so i broke it off with him. and i went back to my best friend, and she forgave me for betraying her trust, and we became best friends again.

so thats all the background for right whats happening right now. so my best friend and this guy got in a huge argument over something really stupid and insignificant, and they stopped talking. she keeps telling me shes over him, but i can see it in her eyes that shes lying to me. i know she still loves him, and she always will. well, about a week ago me and this guy hung out, and i had to meet my best friend somewhere, so i asked him if he could drop me off, and he did, and my best friend saw him. she gave him dirty looks the whole time, and wouldnt talk to me at all. when we were in her car together, i was initiating all the conversation, and she would give me one-word answers. i knew she was mad about me hanging out with him… but i mean, hes my friend now, and i dont wanna just throw him away. maybe i should, i dont know. so after that car ride with her, my best friend and i havent talked at all, except when i texted her saying “hiii i miss youuu” and all she said back was “thanks”. but me and this guy have been talking a little each day. and a few days ago he texted me saying that he liked me and wanted to get with me again. i told him that i cant get with him since i would be betraying my best friend again, and that i dont want to lose her. and he keeps telling me to stop worrying about other people’s feelings and to just do what’s best for me. i dont know what to do anymore. i mean, i want my best friend there, always, but shes still not talking to me. and this guy… i just want to be his friend but he wont accept that. just talking to him is hurting my best friend, but i dont want to stop talking to him. i dont know, i think i should.

i dont know what to do anymore!
i keep just trying to make her happy, and thats all ive ever done with my life, is try to make other people happy. i dont know anymore, and i literally just want to drop off the face of this planet. its making my life hell.