It sounds like you’re in love with your best friend. Otherwise, why would you be so angry about it?

By X on Jun 5, 2008

I understand exactly what you are going through. It sounds like she just realized what she lost and is trying to get it back. Not that she ever had it. However, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

If you’re boyfriend is into you, then it’s not a concern. However, if he’s suddenly sounding/acting like he wants her as well. Well. Then let him have her. If he’s that much into her then obviously he never got over it and you’re never going to be number one in his heart. On the other hand if you’re number one in his heart, then there’s nothing to worry about and the both of you can move on together.

I’m assuming he does know what’s going on. The best thing to do is for him to let her know he’s not interested and that she needs to move on. But he needs to tell her, not you. If not, she’ll never believe it and she’ll continue to be an intruder in your life. If he refuses because she is a friend, then there maybe the issue of he’s not over her. If he’s told her that he’s not interested and she won’t stop, you may want to consider getting a restraining order against her.

Good Luck.

By Joy Smith on Jun 8, 2008

Men usually are not very good with subtle hints or bodylanguage. And some are like kids trying to see how far the can go ["you didn't say I couldn't do ...."] And both men and women want to see old friends and don’t realize that it can cause problems in a relationship if not checked with ground rules.

Your boyfriend is indeed the one that will have to tell her, or at least be present when she is ‘talked too’, but it is definately better if he explains it to her himself. He may just be afraid to confront her for a variety of reasons including, but not limited to, [1] he is afraid he’ll hurt her feelings, [2] isn’t sure how to broach the subject [3] she’s a little phsyco and he knows it.

I’d suggest talking with him, explaining how you see what she’s doing, letting him know its ok to have friends as long as reasonable rules are followed and are respected by her [like a drink at the bar after work might be ok, but going home alone with her is not... even if she's the designated driver, he comes home to you,etc]

Guys are also notoriously trying to rationalize everything, and have difficulty working with emotions.. especially those exuded by women in general. So when you discuss this with him, you may have to keep your own emotions in check and give him ideas on how to explain to another girl, in terms that girl can understand, how to ‘back off’

That said, I am aware of women who want something that is already taken. Myself, I was in an open relationship at the time and my girlfriend and I had our rules established. And I was oblivious to one girl wanting me only because another had me until my girlfriend and I broke up. Once said girl found out I was ‘on the market’ again, she no longer had any interest; go figure.

For what its worth
been there, done that

By Ted on Jun 8, 2008